Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
