he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
