i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
