I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
