i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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