did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
