How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
