With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
