I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
