Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
