kristin has been a bad kristin
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
