I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
