I CAN MOONWALK!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
