My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
this is an emotional support booty call
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
