I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
