he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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