Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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