hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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