My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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