I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
