I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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