He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
