you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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