The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
