Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
