I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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