My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
