The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
