the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
