People in love make me want to vomit
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
