Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
