paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
