I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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