Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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