This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
