The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
