there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just want to make out with him forever
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