JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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