She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I would fuck him just for his dog
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
