I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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