The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
