Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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