I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
