Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
