Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
