I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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