running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
