Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
