She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
