oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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