I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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