I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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