I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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