i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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