Kiss
Puke
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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