He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
