i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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