She said her name was "party"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
