i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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