Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
