I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drunk is not a location!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
