whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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