Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
